Centering & the Art of Intimacy Handbook

Author: Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks, PhD.
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
ISBN:  0-671-76719-4

Regarding Honesty...

"During our first year, we made an agreement that has served us very well.  We decided that we were going to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth to each other.  We were not going to edit or sort the truth, but instead go to great lengths to say anything we had going on in our minds or bodies.  Some people might think this would be boring, but to us it was endlessly fascinationg."

"By speaking the truth we were able to talk about these patterns [bad relationship skills developed over time] until we understood them and ceased to repeat them with each other."
 

Regarding Unity & Autonomy...

"We yearn for unity with another person, and we also yearn for complete individuation, the development of freedom, automony, and a personal connection with the world.  Both of these needs are absolutely fundamental, but they are also fraught with difficulties.  Most of us have had painful experiences with getting close and with getting separate.  We have been wounded trying to achieve one or both states."

Typical "relationship issues"

• deep fear of abandonment
• fear of being engulfed
• rage about childhood violations
• desire to be completely taken care of by another
• hypersensitivity to criticism

Three Powerful Strategies of Relationship Intimacy:

1. Feel all your feelings (allow others' theirs)
2. Tell all the truth.
3. Keep all your agreements.